I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
