I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
