She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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