mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Randomize
