i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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