i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
