Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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