I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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