tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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