hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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