; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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