I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
