i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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