Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
