If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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