There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
