they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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