I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
