you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
