he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
