I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
