Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
