Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
