so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
These tits shall not be calmed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
