It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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