Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
