Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
