my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
