Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Randomize
