I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
