I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
