Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
