He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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