Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
