OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
