Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
