im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
