i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
