Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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