I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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