Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
