Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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