the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
