can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
