I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
