oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
