i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
