the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
