R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
