I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
